It's very complex || Destiel || Ch.2

Castiel’s pov

It’s been 5 weeks since the ‘wet dream incident’ and Dean was still ignoring me. He refused to be in the same room with me and every time I tried to be nice he’d give me his infamous glare of death. It was really hard for me to get over what happened. I tried to apologize over a hundred times. Eventualy Sam had told me to stop putting effort in it, which I did.

I had to let Dean have his way, even though I didn’t understand what the big fuss was all about.
But at least Sam and I were still friends.
When he and Dean went on a job again, Sam would often call me to do some research on a creature. So I could still be of some use.

It was saturday morning, my favorite day of all. Sam and Dean had traveled off to a small town near Lubbock Texas where out of nowhere people started to rebel against… well… everything.

I was sitting in the man of letters’ library when my cell started to ring, I looked at the screen, it was Sam. I picked up the phone

‘’Hello, Sam.’’.

‘’Hey, Cas. Eh, I need your help again.’’ he said.

I smiled a bit ‘’Anything.’’

‘’I need you to get your laptop right now and do some research on Seth, he is an egyptian god and we need to gank him but we have no clue what we’re up against. Could you do that for me?’’ Sam explained.

‘’Uhm, okay. When do you need the info?’’ I asked.

‘’Right now would be a pretty good time actually.’’

I frowned ‘’Where are you guys?’’

‘’I don’t have time for questions, Cas. Just do the research and call me back as soon as you can.’’ Sam said quickly and hung up.

I looked at my phone, okay than.

I raced to my room, jumped on the bed and grabbed my laptop. I opened it and typed ‘Seth’ in the searchbar. I clicked on the first link. I read the article and grabbed my phone, dialing Sam’s number.

‘’Cas, finally. What did you find?’’ Sam panted.

‘’It’s a long story, but I’ll try to keep it short.’’ I said and looked at the screen of my laptop again. ‘’Seth is the god of chaos and the desert. He killed his brother Osiris, chopped him up in little bits and then hid the bodyparts all over egypt. Isis searched for those parts and put him back together but she couldn’t find his… ehm… penis. So she made one out of clay. With the magic of Thoth she figured out how to get pregnant with him and gave birth to Horus, who ended up killing Seth.’’ I said.

‘’It doesn’t say how he got killed?’’ Sam asked.

‘’No, it doesn’t. But, he’s dead now.’’

‘’No, Cas. I think Horus screwed up big time because Seth is here, causing anarchy all over the place.’’

I took a moment to think.

‘’Well, I think that if you cut him up in pieces, keep them seperated and hide them really very well I think the problem will be solved for another thousand years.’’ I figured out.

I heard Sam talking to his brother on the other side.
‘’Cas, you are genius! Thanks.’’ he said and hung up again.

‘’You’re… welcome?’’ I said to myself.

It felt good to help Sam, I had mixed thoughts about helping Dean, but if helping Dean meant I was helping Sam too it was alright… I concidered my thoughts. Why wouldn’t I want to help Dean? Because he had been a complete assbutt to me the past month. But I couldn’t deny that the sadness was more prominent than the anger. I was still heart-broken to be honest. And the fact that I was having that same dream over and over again didn’t actually help me to get over him. Is it common that humans have the same dream every night?

At some point I started to realize that I was dreaming, but I didn’t want to wake up, I refused to wake up because when I was asleep I was happy. Dean accepted me, he allowed me to be in his life. In my dreams he loved me and I loved him back.

Maybe I should confront him, no, he would get mad. I had to sail into this carefully.

I lay on my back on my bed, just allowing my thoughts to cross my mind. I must’ve been there for hours. And suddenly it hit me. It was low, very low, but it might be possible.
I was going to kiss his ass, not literally ofcourse. I was going to be the perfect human, I was going to clean up the entire bunker, mop the floors, deep cleanse the kitchen, dust off the library, cook dinner every night, make them breakfast every morning.

Thinking about dinner… I heaved a sigh, I forgot to eat again.

I decided to cook for a couple days. I could wrap things up and put them in the freezer.
I checked the fridge, there was only some meat left and some old broccoli. I didn’t feel like going outside today so I prepared the leftovers of meat with the broccoli, I would go to the 7-eleven tomorrow. The brothers wouldn’t be back until the next evening anyway.

It wasn’t very tasty, the meat had a weird aftertaste and the broccoli turned out as some sort of green gunk. I blamed myself for being a terrible cook and not using the right seasoning.

That night I had trouble sleeping in.


He was watching me, he was sitting on a chair in the corner of my room.

‘’Hey, Cas.’’ Dean spoke ‘’What’s wrong? Not feeling so well?’’ he mocked me, laughing as he did.
‘’Why don’t you wake up? Do you have to tell me something?’’ he gibed and held his hand by his ear ‘’You can tell me, come on. Spit it out!’’ he laughed and his eyes turned completely black.

I opened my eyes and shot up in my bed.

This feeling, a terrible feeling I had never felt before. In my stomach, my throat, swarming in my mouth and through my head.
Suddenly every muscle in my abdomen contracted, I wanted to cry out but instead of sound I felt something else making its way up. I held my hand over my mouth and sprinted to my bathroom that was across of my room in the hallway, crashing on my knees in front of the toilet and threw up. A burning, sour bitter wave forcing its way out.

It hurt, it was terrible. One of the most terrible sensations I had ever felt. At this moment I just wanted to die.

After throwing up for fifteen minutes or so I was done. After rinsing my mouth with some water I grabbed a bucket and crawled back to my bed, trying to get some sleep.

It turned out I needed that bucket more than I hoped for. I had never been ill before and I prayed that this would be the last time too. I figured it must’ve been the meat that did the trick.

It was an exhausting night, the fever, nausea and frequent vomiting kept me up untill my guts were dry and my body just couldn’t stay conscious anymore.

I didn’t wake up until 4 in the afternoon the next day, the nausea had dropped a bit and so had my temperature. I decided that I still had to eat something. I rolled out of bed and dragged myself to the kitchen. I opened a random cabinet and let my eyes scan the content and grabbed a roll of rusk, since it was light, nutrient and didn’t have much of a taste to trigger the nausea again.

I sat down at the kitchen table with the rusks and a cup of herbal tea. Trying not to immediately cram myself I started to eat, slowly chewing the dry rusks, flushing every bite away with the tea.
But after the second rusk my stomach couldn’t take it anymore and yet again I had to sprint my way to the bathroom.


‘’Cas, we’re bahaack!’’ Sam shouted, his voice echoing through the building.

It was 10 in the evening and I had just flushed the toilet again. I wobbled to the study to meet the brothers.

‘’Hi guys.’’ I wheezed.

Hearing my voice they both looked up. Shock on their faces, it was the first time in weeks that Dean looked at me.

Sam frowned and dropped his bags ‘’What happened to you!?’’ he exclaimed.

I burped ‘’Bad meat, that’s what happened.’’ I spoke softly ‘’If you want to stay alive, don’t use the bathroom across my room.’’

Sam gave me a pity look ‘’Is there anything we-, I mean, is there anything I can do for you?’’

I looked at Dean, he was staring at me at this point, I couldn’t read the expression on his face. It was like he wanted to scowl at me but just couldn’t.

I nodded ‘’If you could get me some norit, that would be great.’’ I was still looking at Dean, who was also still staring at me.

Sam noticed the tension building up ‘’Eh, Dean. Why don’t you eh… put the weapons back in the armory? Huh?’’ he suggested.
But Dean kept his eyes fixed on me.
‘’Why don’t you do it yourself, Sammy?’’ he spoke emotionless.

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath ‘’Because I am fucking sick of your shit.’’ he said calm.
Dean finally pulled his gaze away from me and scowled at his younger brother.
''Excuse me?’’ he growled.

Sam’s face was like steel ‘’Yes, you heard me. I am sick of it! You’ve been treating Cas like crap and this has to end. What the hell is actually the problem?’’

I saw Dean starting to panic. He grabbed the bags and stomped toward the armory.

After he had disappeard into one of the hallways my eyes met Sam’s again.

‘’Are you okay?’’ he asked, recovering from the confrontation.

‘’Despite of my stomach I’m fine, I guess.’’

Sam gave me a nod and looked at his feet ‘’Thanks for helping us out, without that info we’d be dead in a barn right now.’’ he chuckled.

I sat down in one of the armchairs ‘’Where is Seth now?’’

‘’In bits and pieces in the trunk seperated by tinfoil so that’s solved for now.’’ Sam stated and looked at me ‘’Shouldn’t you be in bed? I’m sorry to tell you, but you really look like crap.’’

I shook my head ‘’I’m exhausted but I’ve slept so long I can’t fall asleep anymore. And everytime I do fall asleep I wake up because I have to… you know.’’

Sam face twisted a bit ‘’I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll get you the norit, I think we actually still have some in the infirmary. I’ll fetch it for you.’’ He smiled at me and walked away.

He came back five minutes later empty-handed ‘’Looks like we ran out. I’ll go to the nightshop for a bit to get them for you, I’ll be back in thirty. Okay?’’

I nodded ‘’Thank you, Sam.’’

He gave me a wink ‘’No problem at all, Cas. If you think of anything else just give me a call.’’

Just as he started to walk toward the stair I had an idea.

‘’Pie!’’ I exclaimed.

Sam turned around giving me an uncomprehending look ‘’Pie? Seriously? How long do you think you can keep that down?’’

I sighed ‘’Not for me. For Dean.’’

Sam frowned ‘’Why would you want to give Dean pie?’’

‘’Because sometimes you have to treat people like animals. When they’re upset you just give them a treat to calm down and show them there is no reason to be afraid.’’ I explained.

Sam chuckled through his nose ‘’Or put them to sleep. But okay, I’ll bring pie for Dean.’’

‘’And don’t forget it! You always forget the pie!’’ I said strict.

Sam heaved a sigh ‘’Alright, alright. I won’t forget the pie this time.’’ he said and left the building.


Only five minutes later Dean walked in searching the room ‘’Sam?’’ he called his brother.

‘’Sam will be back in half an hour, can I help you?’’ I said as I put down the book I grabbed myself only moments ago.

Dean seemd startled at my reaction ‘’N-no, you… you should rest. W-why aren’t you in bed?’’ he stuttered.

‘’Because I don’t like being in bed 24 hours straight.’’ I said with a straight face ‘’Why do you care?’’

Dean gulped and tried to avoid my look ‘’I… never mind.’’ he said and dashed away.

At this point I actually started to get angry. I just wanted this to be over, the awkwardness, the emotional crap, Dean being such a pain in the ass.

I was fed up with the whole situation and restraining myself but I was feeling too sick to take out my frustration on anything so I would just have to sit this out. I decided to take a small nap on the couch for a while until Sam would come back with my norit.

‘’Pssst, hey. Cas. wake up, buddy.’’ Sam whispered.

I opened my eyes and saw a small box hanging in front of me, norit. I gladly took the box

‘’Thank you, Sam.’’ I said sleepily.

Sam smiled at me ‘’You’re welcome, let go to the kitchen okay? I’ll cook you some rice.’’

I breathed a sigh of relief, my stomach was finaly able to keep the food down. Eagerly I scooped the plain rice in my mouth while Sam was keeping me company.
Suddenly Dean stomped inside.

‘’Where the fuck have you been, bitch?’’ he yelled at Sam.

Sam frowned ‘’I was out to get Cas some norit. Calm your tits! Have you been drinking?’’

‘’That’s not of your business!’’ Dean growled and stormed to the fridge, probably to get himself another beer. ‘’And what the hell is this?’’ Dean said angrily and turned around with the pie in his hands that I asked Sam to get him.

‘’Key lime pie, Cas’ idea.’’ Sam said in a calm tone.

Dean walked to the kitchen table, dropped the pie and scowled at me ‘’Are you trying to kiss my ass with this, Pansy?’’ he flouted me.

And that was the drop, he crossed the last line I had drawn him.
I put the spoon down and stood up from my chair, pulled the cake to me and took it out of the packaging.

I looked at Dean and narrowed my eyes ‘’I hate you, Dean Winchester.’’ I hissed and bashed the pie in his face as hard as I could.

Dean staggered and fell to the floor.
I looked at Sam, he sat on his chair with his jaw dropped.


Dean’s pov

‘’I hate you so much.’’ Castiel said. He turned on his heels and walked out of the kitchen, probably to his room.

I just sat there, on my ass, my face covered in key lime pie, drunk.

Sam heaved a heavy sigh ‘’What the hell were you thinking, Dean?’’

I didn’t even answer his question because I had no idea what I was thinking. All I knew now was that Cas had every reason to hate me. He tried to be nice to me and I shrugged it off and continued being an ass. But what else was I supposed to do? Just come clean like that? Tell them everything? Hell no. I’d rather go back to hell than hurt myself like that!

I wiped some pie off my face and dragged out of the kitchen, ignoring my brother and wavered to my bathroom, locking the door, let the shower run warm and stripped out of my pie-covered clothes.

I checked the temperature before stepping under the cascading water. I scrubbed the lime off my face and out of my hair.
I love to take showers when I’m sad, that way I won’t have to feel the tears. I hurt myself by hurting Cas, and I hurt him really bad. But it was the only way, even though it was killing me.

He was ill, I felt the urge to take care of him but I simply couldn’t.
I couldn’t let him get close to me.

Not after eveything that has happened.